


Night after night after night…

by AliaMael



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, TWEWYTOBER, TWEWYTOBER 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 6,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliaMael/pseuds/AliaMael
Summary: … Shibuya shines bright against her own darkness. Fitting paradox for the UG that lives on hope and death.
Comments: 65
Kudos: 27





	1. Costume

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something a bit different this year… Those who are used to read my TWEWYtobers know I usually write the teens and use a mostly light tone. This is _not_ this fic. If you want that kind of reading, go to [Day after day after day...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738836) ;) If you want the adults and a darker mood, you're in the right place! Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy whatever you choose to read ♥ Happy [TWEWYtober](https://retwewy.jimdofree.com/fandom-projects/)!

Sanae had worked hard to get where he was.

Of course, most people would assume he was thinking of the fact he owned a coffee shop. Not everybody could get a shop right in the middle of Tokyo, after all. And even if you only thought of the fact he was his own barista, well, it was skill that came with a long training.

He was not thinking of WildKat.

The other assumption would then be CAT. But as much as Sanae had indeed poured years of his life into his art, it was not the hardest thing he had done. Not by far.

Sanae had worked hard to appear normal. Because human skin was just a costume for him, and he constantly felt the way it pulled at his _essence_ , threatening to slip.

It was worse since Taboo.

So if sometimes he ended up staring into the void, apparently lost to the world… it was not so much that he was distracted. He was just fighting to _keep the costume in place_.


	2. Fading

He had thought his precious ingredient spoiled beyond saving, but maybe he had been wrong. Far from a rotten plant waiting to be turned into compost for growing other lives (other _Souls_ ), she had been an egg waiting to hatch. And he would not be the one to cook this bird. He had fought with all he had, hoping to prove himself deserving of the Conductor's trust, but…

They had obeyed the orders, as strange as they were. Emergency meeting, emergency procedure. Mandatory pins. They couldn't deny the UG was in chaos, not after the last two weeks slowly eroding normalcy until only crumbs were left. They didn't understand, but someone probably did. So they got on the streets, to right the countless wrongs of… to do their job, so this place may become as paradise… and…

Despite everything, Def Märch was thriving. And alright, the UG might not be the best place to spend time in right now, but the RG side of his life was going _great_. So even if he lost his opportunity for raking points against the two Players, he was not that disappointed, given they didn't seem to threaten his double life, in the end. So checking out the venue was the least he could do for them. He called out for a presence in the emptiness, until…

His calculations had been flawless. (He had to believe it.) His new function was much more powerful. (No matter that he hadn't planned to emerge as Taboo.) He could calculate anything. He was in control. (Static filled his ears. He craved a fight.) He would reduce the Composer to the null factor. (It might be his last chance to keep himself together.) He was laughing and…

She had seen Shibuya take a dive toward chaos, and she had acted. All had been going according to plan. Making the Players run around uselessly was easy. Striking the right alliances at the right time, and discarding them before they could drag her down, all of it was second nature. She was ambitious, but most of all she was a survivor. She just had to get rid of these annoying Players and she would reach her goal. She fought, and then…

He had tried his best. He had played against a God and had not offered Him an easy win. But he had lost. How could it have been different? He had known, deep down, that his efforts were doomed from the beginning, but he still had to try. Shibuya was more than worth it, and he had been the city's last protector. Now that his time was running out...

… his strength…

… their consciousness...

… his voice…

… his sanity…

… her life…

… his hope…

_was fading._


	3. Fashion

After the Long Game, Uzuki had fallen into what it was tempting to call a fashion frenzy, and frankly Kariya couldn't blame her.

She had been used to be the predator against the Players' preys, used to be the one with the power in her hands. Now, with Reapers of all ranks missing left and right, it was impossible to forget they _all_ had close calls with Erasure.

Uzuki had been overconfident. The Long Game had not taught her humility, but _fear_.

And in a world where trends could make or break you, Kariya couldn't protest when she dragged him from store to store, trying new looks every day. He recognized it for what it was: a quest for weapons and armor. So even if he ended up decked out in very unusual clothes by his fussing partner, well… she needed the reassurance.


	4. Creature

Sho Minamimoto was _fascinating_.

Of course, it was not exactly new. He had been fascinating as a Player, then as a Reaper. But now there was something _unique_ in him, and that kept Joshua's attention.

Putting a name on it was not an easy task, though. "Impossibility", while tempting, was obviously not _true_ given that here he was, alive and snarling behind the bars of his cage made of _Shibuya_ and Will. He had still seemed somewhat coherent before Joshua had dropped a small mountain of trash on him, but now it had all melted away.

He was not human. He was not Noise.

Not a person. Not an animal.

Something in-between. A… creature, for lack of a better word.

Too feral to hold a conversation. Too intelligent to use his considerable power for frontal attacks.

Sho Minamimoto had turned himself into a puzzle, an enigma, and Joshua quite enjoyed poking at it, at him. 

(Anything not to think of… everything else.)


	5. Road

Technically, Joshua didn't _need_ to go out to repair the walls. But then, by that metric, he didn't have to go out for _anything_ , given that Shibuya was as much _inside_ of him than _around_ him.

Staying inside was claustrophobic, and the empty Pad was a constant reminder of the dead.

("Dead God's Pad" had never seemed such a fitting and yet ironic name.)

There was no one able to repair the walls torn down during the last days of the Game anymore. No Conductor, no Officers. Just him. And it needed to be done. A Game without walls turning Shibuya into a deadly maze would be…

(Again, the death…)

… unbalanced, he decided.

He was somewhere around two thirds of the way to Udagawa when he realized he was not exactly ready to go _there_. It made him think of Neku, and what… what they had done to each other, even if it was as different as night and day.

Knowing that he also needed to repair the wall isolating Cat Street was not helping. He didn't even know if Sanae was still there. Hadn't seen him since… since _then_.

He didn't even know if he wanted to see him or not.

There was no wall he couldn't ignore with just a thought, but that didn't stop Shibuya's roads from being a deadly trap for him too.


	6. Food

Since the end of what had been dubbed the Long Game, there were… voids.

(That was as euphemistic as it got to say "a shit ton of dead people".)

Everyone was still adjusting. (Trying to.) Harriers used to work with specific colleagues were suddenly alone. Wall Reapers had lost friends. And even the things they used to complain about were now suddenly missed.

The frenetic competition to get points had become an overly complicated balancing game of trying to offer difficulty to Players without spreading the remaining team too thin.

As terrifying as she had been, the Iron Maiden would have been appreciated to lead such a reorganization. But now her cold assessments were a thing from the past.

Even Minamimoto weird obsessions, chaotic ideas and random sculptures had left a void behind them. Without him and 777, no one exactly dared risk being the one outspoken artist who would capture attention. It felt… dangerous.

Reapers missed Higashizawa's habit of making enough food to feed an army. Almost none of them had _needed_ it, but it had been comforting.

They missed Kitaniji's discreet but constant encouragements. Some of the less observant Reapers only realized now that he was not here anymore how much support he had been giving to _everyone_.

(They were all so _lost_.) 


	7. Petrify

Uzuki hated the new work arrangements with the force of a thousand suns. They were so short-staffed that she had to patrol _alone_ several times a week, and she really didn't like leaving Kariya's side.

(She told herself it was less fun to work when he was not there. It was technically the truth. Just… not the _whole_ truth.)

Still, work was work. She knew how to handle it. She was _good_ at what she did, dammit!

Then her attention was caught by two people arguing quite loudly. She turned her head and saw Noise hanging above them, growing and multiplying fast.

Before the Long Game, she would have laughed it off, but now seeing Noise out of her direct control was enough to petrify her.

She couldn't look away. She couldn't move. She was only seeing Taboo Noise closing in on her, and Kariya was not _there_ , she couldn't fight it alone, she–

"Uzuki?"

Kariya's voice snapped her out of her paralysis and she ran toward him.

"Wow, breathe! What's wrong? You… you're pale as a sheet. What happened?"  
"No… nothing. It's nothing," she said, trying to fake a smile.

Kariya knew her too well for it to work. She saw him look around and focus on the argument for a second or two, then he grabbed her arm.

"Come on, no point lingering here for now. I saw Players gathered around 104."

They were not supposed to stay together that day, but she didn't protest.


	8. Handmade

While it is publicly advertised that the most limited editions of Gatito clothes and accessories are handmade, fans of the brand are left to speculate about if it's CAT themselves who works on them. Opinions are divided, but the truth of it is that Sanae is indeed the one to craft these items.

He likes it, the focus needed to make things _right_. It helps him to shut down the world when everything becomes just that side of _too much_.

Well. _Liked_ might be more correct.

He breathes, slowly. In, and out. In, and out. Looks down at his hands, which are not exactly _shaking_ but still have almost imperceptible tremors that make precise needlework a nightmare.

He can't concentrate.

He _physically_ can't.

He'd like very much to be able to reach that meditative state he's so familiar with, but it eludes him. (It's been eluding him since… since _then_.)

He's been feeling like he's losing himself, and now that he tries to center himself by doing what used to be an anchor… he's discovering that he's _also_ losing CAT.

It feels like watching oneself slowly die.


	9. Team

BJ and Tenho are both alive.

It's already a small miracle. (That fact doesn't help.)

They're… numb, mostly. They stick with each other as much as possible and, even if they don't react, they both see the pity in the eyes of the other Reapers.

They used to be _three_.

There's a void walking down the streets next to them. The silence is heavy, like the boulders blocking their throats, preventing them from speaking.

They don't even know what happened to _him_. Actually, _no one_ knows. He just… disappeared, at some point during the chaos.

Maybe it'd be easier if they knew. Maybe not.

(Somewhere in the back of his mind, BJ thinks he should be happy, relieved that Yashiro made it alive. And it's not that he's _unhappy_ , it's just that… he doesn't have the energy to _feel_ it like he should.)

(Maybe he feels a little bit guilty.)

(He mostly feels empty.)

Even through the lows and the fights, Def Märch was always a team. Now BJ and Tenho are just discarded, broken pieces, waiting to be thrown away.


	10. Choice

The truth about the Long Game is probably going to stay a mystery. After all, not many people have all the pieces to understand it… and they have good reasons to keep quiet.

But even if it never surfaces, the crux of the matter is that it all boiled down to the Composer and his Conductor's opposing wills, with the Producer trying to stack the deck. All three of them did their best to use or manipulate others to further their own agenda.

Oh, sure, they all thought their were making their own choices. But Neku, Higashizawa, Minamimoto, Beat, Konishi… they were _all_ pawns to one or more players. How many of their decisions really, _truly_ were their own?

But with all of them having left the UG, be it in _life_ or _death_ (or, in one specific case, in _changing_ so much that he's not even a person anymore), it's not like it matters.


	11. Darkness

When it's left alone, darkness takes over its cage. It knows it's a prisoner, knows not to try and destroy the bars. (They're not _physical_ , but it can see them clear as day, even without light.) It knows it's overpowered.

It hates it.

It can't remember what ( _… who…?_ ) it was before ending up here, but the past tastes of freedom and, weirdly enough, confinement. It thinks it was _feeling_ restrained while being way freer than now?

(Somewhere in the distance, it can grasp the blurry concepts of _limits_ and _infinity_ and it knows it made a mistake because of these.) (It doesn't know _what_.)

It paces, in its cell. It's _bored_ out of its mind, and the lone visitor doesn't change anything in that. There's too much time between two occurrences (and, something whispers to it, the pattern is not periodic, the intervals becoming wider and wider…). There is nothing to _do_ , here, except watch the slow but regular crumbling of its own sanity.

It's better than that. It _should_ be better than that. It's powerful. (But not enough.) It aches for _more_ , more stimulation, more light, more presences, more…

It doesn't even remember what it craves. Only that's it's leaving a gaping hole inside of it.

And so, it waits in the dark.


	12. Secret

While Reapers can technically go into the RG at will, and a good number of them live a somewhat double life, it's not _that_ easy. When your "day job" consists of killing dead people _deader_ , it's not exactly something you can casually mention. You have to lie, obfuscate… The closer you get to people ( _living_ people), the more complex it gets. Even if you pretend to have a "normal" job, you still have to explain your weird disappearances each Game week.

And so, despite being allowed to go into the RG, most Reapers never form meaningful relationships outside of the UG.

It's not rare to get warnings from the older Reapers, when you're a newcomer. Not that it's _forbidden_ to try anyway, but it's almost doomed from the start. 

"Almost" being the keyword.

But with such a stigma against trying… it's no wonder that the one Reaper who managed it kept it secret. And so, when she gets Erased in the awful mess that is the Long Game, no one knows she even _has_ a girlfriend, even less who she is.

No explanation ever makes it to her.

Somewhere in Shibuya, a woman has to grieve for someone when the more she tries finding what happened to her, the more she learns she was but a mirage.


	13. Equipment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Equipment" really wouldn't click. Decided that "equipped" was close enough ^^

Uzuki's been turning this in her head for a while now, unable to let the idea rest.

"Hey, Kariya?" she calls.

He turns to her from his perch on the law wall, not bothering to hide his surprise. Uzuki is well aware that her tone is soft and hesitant in a way it rarely –if ever– is. But then… well. She was supposed to change, she knows that. She was just not supposed to change _like that_.

Not that _any_ of them had that choice. Which is kind of her point.

"What's wrong?" Kariya asks.

She shrugs, taps her heels against the wall. Avoids his eyes.

"This _Taboo_ thing… Could you tell me more?"

In the corner of her vision, she can see Kariya freeze.

"Uzuki… Please, _please_ tell me you don't want to experiment with that."

He's genuinely begging, which makes her feel _bad_.

"No, of course not!" she hurries to answer, looking up at him. "I… I just want to know as much as possible to be better prepared. To be able to fight more easily."

Kariya sighs, but relaxes.

"OK. I can tell you what I know, but you have to be aware that it won't really help. The both of us, working together like that? We're already better armed than most Reapers."

 _Which is why we're still here_ he doesn't add, but Uzuki knows.

"The Reapers as a whole… we were not equipped to deal with that, and we'll never be," Kariya adds.  
" _Someone_ has to be able to do _something_ about it, though," Uzuki argues. "You said to call the hierarchy, it was not to say 'hey boss we're fucked, farewell'."

Kariya chuckles.

"You have a point. Still, for us lowly Reapers, our best bet is to _run_."

Uzuki flinches. She tends to stay paralyzed at the mere hint of something going pear-shaped, now, and she knows it.

Then Kariya's hand is on her shoulder.

"We're gonna work on that. It'll be OK," he promises, and she believes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I've got fluff in my angst! Don't get too used to it though ;p


	14. Decorations

It kinda happens organically.

Of course, at first, everyone is too busy trying to process what they will _never_ be able to properly process (they won't ever _know_ ). But at some point someone snaps out of it, or _needs_ to do something that's not running in circles inside their own head, and so a list of the lost Reapers is made.

It takes a while. Several persons add to it. It opens some wounds anew, to see it black on white like this, impossible to deny.

The point is: a list is made.

Somehow, the list ends up framed and fixed to the wall of the meeting room.

Somehow, it turns into a sort of memorial.

It never goes further than that, though. Because this was not a heroic sacrifice. It was not even a _war_. It was a bloody ( _bloodless_ ) massacre, and no one grants medals or other post-mortem decorations for this.

(Or maybe it's just that there's no one above the Reapers who _cares_.)


	15. Shop

The Reapers' relationship with shops has always been complex.

They don't stop needing nor wanting to buy stuff just because they're stuck between _really alive_ and _completely dead_. So, of course, they go into shops. They just need to tune down to the RG for that.

Theoretically, they're all able to do that. In practice, almost all of them can. The newcomers can need some time to learn how to master it. But even once they can tune down on their own, it stays way easier to just use the modulator decals. So Reapers tend to gravitate toward stores affected by them.

Which means, of course, the only stores the Players can get in.

The Reapers are strictly forbidden from using these stores when there's a Game running. Players are supposed to shop at their leisure, not feel they're still on a battleground while browsing articles.

And so the Reapers are either forced to go to the other stores, even though they're not the places they're _familiar_ with, most of the time, or forgo shopping for a full week. 

This can, of course, be frustrating.

Now though, with the memory of the streets being deadly places still fresh, the shops feel like havens of safety… and being ordered to stay away feels like a sentence.


	16. Design

The Game between the Composer and his Conductor had never been fair.

Of course, the Composer gave himself handicaps, but frankly that was not significant. It was only an _illusion_ of balancing things. Because yes, once his Frequency was tuned down, the Composer was not all powerful nor all knowing anymore… but that was already too late.

With his foresight, he already knew all he needed to know. That Game was rigged by design, impossible to win for the Conductor. And even if in the end something ( _someone_ ) managed to surprise the Composer and change his mind… nothing changed the _result_ of the Game.

The Conductor had been checkmate even before playing his first move. 


	17. Noise

You were there when Kotori was attacked by Taboo Noise. You had been unable to help. You're only a Support Reaper, your friend is… was a Harrier, and she had absolutely no chance.

You saw her disappear in silence. No scream of pain, no body falling on the asphalt. No sound at all.

You remember being shocked by that _otherworldly_ absence. You remember running for your own life.

You remember crying, later, rolled into a tight ball in a corner of the Reapers' meeting room. In silence. Unable to make a sound.

Now, everyone is out of balance. For some, it means being overly clingy. For others, it means getting a seriously too short fuse.

Everybody has a different way to grieve.

You're used to screams and arguments and even physical fights breaking out here and there. All kinds of trust broken. In oneself, with the way no Reaper had been safe. In others, with the way they couldn't protect loved ones. (In the hierarchy, with the way there's no Officer left to guide you out of this mess.)

For you, it means silence.

That Noise didn't only Erase your friend. It took your voice with her, all the noise you used to make.

You wonder if anyone could still hear your heartbeat, but you think you already know the answer.


	18. Fall

It burnt.

It burnt like liquid nitrogen crawling through his veins, leaving trails of pain under his skin and freezing him to the _core_. No amount of scalding hot coffee could warm him back. He was clinging to his control by pure strength of will, and only barely.

He felt like he was shaking apart. He didn't let it show.

Given the amount of time since he'd gone far too native to ever want to go back to the Higher Plane, he didn't exactly _regret_ his Fall. But he hadn't thought it'd be so _painful_ to sever his ties to that ineffable spark that made him _Angel_ instead of _Other_.


	19. Parallel

Parallel universes are a fascinating thing.

Theorizing about them can occupy scholars for the entirety of their lives, but when you're the Composer, or you come from the Higher Plane, you don't need to theorize. Parallel universes do exist, it's a fact. Traveling between them is possible, it's a fact.

And so, it puts things in perspective.

Universes wildly different from our own are a possibility, but they're only as fascinating as dreams. It's interesting, for sure, and full of wonder, but bears no consequences on our day to day life.

Universes where you can pinpoint what details set things rolling down a whole other path are the most educational… and emotionally, the worst. Because then, you see everything that went wrong. You know it was not a fatality.

Somewhere in the vast mosaic that is reality, there is surely a universe where Shibuya's UG didn't go to hell. It doesn't matter.

We're stuck here.


	20. Potion

Memories linger.

They lurk in the back of the minds, waiting for an opening. They pounce when we don't expect them. They shred us to tears with their intensity.

Fear. Death. Grief. Shame.

It is said that time heals. We can only hope.

For now, many would like to forget, or at the very least keep the memories from destroying every precariously built moment of peace. But there's no Imprinting them away, and the only magical potion on hand is alcohol.

Memories are far, far worse than physical scars.


	21. Ouija

There's a ouija board in a corner of the meeting room.

It's so _incongruous_ that you don't react, be it physically or emotionally. You notice it and move on.

And then the screaming starts.

"What _the fuck_ is this thing doing here?!"  
"Hey, put it back! It's mine!"  
"Why would you want to use something like this?"  
"What do you think, _genius_?! Same thing _everyone_ use it for!"  
"What, talking to the dead?"  
"Hey, no need to sound so condescending! We _all_ lost someone here!"  
"You're so _stupid_!"  
"Hey–"  
"We. Are. The dead! Didn't get the memo when you became a Reaper?!"  
"Yeah, right, and then some of us got even _deader_ so–"  
"They're fucking _gone_ , that's it, there's no getting them back!"  
"Don't pretend you know better than me!"  
"I don't need to _pretend_ , everyone with a brain knows that–"  
"Fucking _take that back_ you–"

It's only when Daiki gently puts a hand on your shoulder, making you jump, that you realize you're trying to fuse with the wall behind you.

"You alright?" he asks.

You take a shaky breath and nod. He doesn't seem very convinced. In front of you, the argument goes on, and it takes all your willpower to not slide down to the floor and hide behind your knees. You _know_ , rationally, that no one is going to attack you here, but… you can't help it. Aggressiveness is making you panic.

(You were not like this _before_.)


	22. Game

"So?"

You look up from your old Gameboy to see Haru sliding into the seat across you. Sunshine is so busy that it's a minor miracle no one claimed that spot before… and seriously annoying that it's someone you _know_ that decides to get there.

You frown at them.

"So _what_?" you ask, not bothering to sound friendly.  
"You've been… avoiding the other Reapers," Haru carefully says.  
"I came to all the meetings," you counter, looking back at your console.

You hear them sigh.

"Emi told me–" they go on.  
"Emi's a fucking gossip," you cut them, "maybe you shouldn't listen to her."  
"Well, maybe it'd be easier if I could talk to _you_ without having to hunt you down," they answer, irritated.

You just go on playing.

"You made Kazuki cry," Haru finally says.  
"Your point?"  
"Do you seriously don't care?"

You shrug.

"Did you _really_ say it was a shame Taboo Noise had not killed to most useless Reapers?" Haru asks.  
"I did," you casually answer.  
"What the fuck? How could you…"

You angrily press the "select" button, pausing your game, and glare at them.

"How could I _what_? Say the truth?"

Haru is apparently shocked into silence, so you go on.

"Seriously, how _naive_ are you to believe that most Reapers are not glad to have less competition, or even better be rid of that one person they personally despised?"  
" _Competition_? Is… is _everything_ a game to you?!"

They're starting to get pissed off. Good. That means they should leave you alone soon.

"In case you missed the memo," you point out icily, "we _are_ in a game. It's fucking _called_ the Game, capital G!"  
"That's not what I meant and you know it!"  
"Oh, do I now?"

They grab your Gameboy, too fast for you to react, turn it off and put it down on the table forcefully.

"Hey!" you protest.  
"I don't fucking care about your video games!" they hiss before you can go on. "How can you… Even if the other Reapers are just colleagues to you and not friends, how can you dismiss their lives like this?!"  
"They're nothing to me."

Haru stares, then stands.

"You were not like this before," they throw at you before leaving.

You don't bother to lie and deny it. They're gone anyway, which is for the best.


	23. Meme

Memes are not random ideas, random words. (If they were, _any_ word could be Imprinted by Players.) What they are is ideas with a potential to infect others, right from the start. People from the UG toying with them only speed up the process, and allow for precise targeting. Memes _do_ jump from person to person on their own, leaving their trails of crisscrossing concepts on Shibuya.

Thus, someone with enough experience in scanning the crowds can pick up memes quite easily.

Joshua is not sure he likes what he finds.

Oh, the words reflect what happened to Shibuya, how the city got better after the Long Game…

( _Stop_ and look around, really see what is here. _Listen_ to strangers and friends alike. _Change_ your world.)

… but their shadow paints a whole other story.

( _See_ how the Reapers are. Count how many _friends_ you still have. _Your world_ is in ruins.)


	24. Yellow

Joshua has not seen Sanae since that day he spied on Neku and his friends one week after the end of the Game. He's not exactly sure who is avoiding who. Maybe both of them are.

He doesn't want to see Sanae.

He violently misses Sanae.

He often finds himself in front of the tag in the Shibuya river, looking at the bright colors made darker by the lack of light. He traces the shapes, but the wall is only cold and damp and brings no comfort at all.

He never saw Sanae maintaining the tag –any of CAT's tags, really– but it had never seemed to matter. Now, though… the paint is peeling away, and Joshua doesn't know if it's just time taking its toll, or if _he_ is somehow causing it, or if Sanae… (is crossed with him? doesn't want this _gift_ to be here anymore?) ( _is not doing right?_ )

He doesn't know, and he can only watch, uneasy, as yellow flecks of paint fall down from the letters of "CAT", littering the floor and leaving the wall bleaker with each passing day.


	25. Bag

You suppose that, when all is said and done, you're one of the lucky ones.

You're still there, after all, which is already worth noting. And your two closest friends are still alive too.

Actually, it's unfair how lucky you are.

When you see how changed everyone is, you can't help but feel bad. Because they suffer, each in their own way, and it's downright painful to watch. But also because, well… they didn't deserve it. And maybe, just maybe…

You're usually prompt to chase away that idea, but when you lie awake at night, unable to sleep, it comes back to you, circling like a predator scenting blood, and the fact that you already know your colleagues will worry about the bags under your eyes only gives more strength to that idea, that fear… that maybe…

_Maybe it would have been better if you had been taken instead of someone else._


	26. Friends

It's stupid. You _know_ it's stupid. You just can't change your gut feeling.

And alright, Noise have never been your _friends_. Not even colleagues. But still, they had been… allies, of a sort. You could count on them to attack Players and ignore you, or even _obey_ you. And then, suddenly, some of them had instead _killed_. Killed _Reapers_ , who were supposed to be in control.

So… yeah, stupid, because not the same, but… your colleagues… your friends…

… what would it take for them to become your _foes_?


	27. Sweet

"There's still no Conductor."  
"Well, it's working so far. More or less. Kinda."  
"Yeah, but it can't last…"  
"Do you think the Composer is… well… that they need time? Like everyone else?"  
"Who knows."

"This is getting ridiculous. The Composer sending all the missions themselves? That's unheard of."  
"They're taking their sweet time choosing a new Conductor, yeah…"

"Do you think we should… I don't know, organize a vote and propose a candidate for Conductor?"  
"No idea. Who would you even imagine in that position?"  
"… you have a point."

"I think the younger Reapers desperately need direction."  
"You say that like you're not wanting some measure of normalcy to cling to yourself."  
"… I miss him."  
"I know."  
"Do you think _they_ miss him too?"  
"I'm not sure they're human enough to care."


	28. Winner

There's no winner in something like the Long Game.

Oh, of course, four teenagers made it out. This is not to be denied or forgotten. It's a fact to celebrate, even. But…

Without the Long Game, one of them wouldn't even have died to begin with. Without the Long Game, the others would probably had won a much more normal Game anyway.

Without the Long Game, Higashizawa's devotion to his superior would not have led to Erasure so easily.

Without the Long Game, Minamimoto would not have been handed the knowledge to damn himself.

Without the Long Game, Konishi would not have been desperate enough to risk so much.

Without the Long Game, so many Reapers would still be there.

The one whose goal of keeping Shibuya safe was reached is not here anymore to see it. The one whose goal of destroying Shibuya got prevented from happening has to live with the consequences.

Really, no one got what they _wanted_ out of this.


	29. Switch

She can't.

She wanted so bad to believe Kariya when he said it would be OK. She trusted him (trusts him _still_ , because at this point he'd need to Erase her himself to _maybe_ lose that trust), but the fact is: she can't do it.

Uzuki is trying _so hard_ , but she can't switch it off, turn back time, erase the consequences. She can't _control_ herself.

She's still paralyzed by fear when there's no danger. She knows that when danger will come, she'll die.

Just like that. Just because she _can't_.

(Some part of her brain tries to tell her that it's very unlikely danger will come. She can't believe it.)

It feels so… _unfair_ that a week, just _one short week_ was all it took to change her so radically and she can't undo it even with much more time and effort. (Kariya says it's normal, and she shouldn't be so hard on herself. And she trusts him, but… she can't _quite_ believe him on that.)

She feels like a failure. She's always hated to feel like she was slowing down Kariya, but now it's worse than ever.

He doesn't even resent her for that. 

It would be easier if he did.


	30. Black

Sanae doesn't need to breathe, and right now it's a blessing.

(He doesn't exactly need to keep the café open and that's a blessing too.)

The pain, he's got used to. (Somewhat.) (Not really.) But if he does not breathe, he can avoid the stench.

He really needs to avoid it.

He's already overwhelmed by that weird, _absurd_ crawling sensation that comes from not _quite_ knowing what his body is anymore. (Not the human illusion he still clings too. His _real_ body.) (He refuses to let go of the illusion precisely because he fears what lurks behind.)

The problem is the wings.

Even if he hides the rest of what he is under a human guise, here in the UG wings are a mirror of the self, or something like that. 

He used to be able to hide them. He doesn't have the strength anymore.

He might not smell anything, rolled into a tight ball in a corner of his workshop, his wings looming above him, but he can _hear_ it. Feel it, also, sometimes. His feathers falling, either burnt almost to ashes or _rotten_ , blackened by the Taboo running through his veins.

He tries to make himself smaller. Everything to avoid the contact of the falling feathers against his skin on their way to join the dark layer slowly taking over the floor.


	31. Game Over

Everything's back to normal… except nothing is.

So many Reapers were Erased that the Game was never so unstable.

Those who are left are marked by grief and fear and survivor guilt. They changed, they _all_ changed, and not in the way this whole system is supposed to promote.

Without Kitaniji's powerful Imagination and Will, Shibuya is getting more chaotic than ever, threatening to dissolve into a mess of conflicting melodies.

Without Kitaniji's presence, without his trust in Hanekoma, the Composer is more alone than ever. Oh, he changed through these three weeks, enough to save Shibuya, but… with no one in the UG, and unable to reach out in the RG? It's already a certainty. He's going to slip back. And this time he'll have even more reasons to actually find Shibuya out of control. Worth Erasing.

So, even though this might feel like victory…

… this is actually Game Over.


End file.
